you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
