I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize