i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize