I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
