Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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