I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize