Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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