Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
