if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize