Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I deserve this hangover.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
