in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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