i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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