Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize