after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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