tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
