So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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