escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
