He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
