I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
