Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
