if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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