you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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