I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
