Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
