Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
