I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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