Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
