maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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