I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
