hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
