Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
