If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
