Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
