Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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