They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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