If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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