You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
