She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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