i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
