im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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