just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
