i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize