why didn't you poke me back
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
