Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
