well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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