dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize