Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
