Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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