I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize