12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize