oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
