They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
