You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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