Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
