I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
