I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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