there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
