member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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