you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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