I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
