I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
