I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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