remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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