I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
