Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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